Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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