the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
worst night to have a conscience
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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