So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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