forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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