I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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