First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
