Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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