My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
