Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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