...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
