I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
