Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Im part way to drunk.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize