Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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