i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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