Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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