They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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