Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
