That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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