Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
