im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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