I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
