Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
