You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
