If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
