the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
