WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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