He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
