fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
