I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
