Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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