Will you blow on my dice?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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