highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
