I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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