I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Found your dick twin last night
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
