I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
