so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
