____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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