I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
