He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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