Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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