So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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