Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
