we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
