Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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