I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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