Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
