We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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