you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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