So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we're making bets on your personal life
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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