It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
