i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
