So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
