I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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