if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
