i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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