ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
