Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
