Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
