Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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