I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just google imaged poop.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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