I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
