This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
