Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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