Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
