I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
