as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
