I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
