Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
