I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
