I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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