You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Did I show you my penis last night?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
